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Choose Your Own Engagement Ring

How these Erstwhile couples worked together and found the perfect ring.

Over the last few years woman are coming in to engagement ring appointments more often – now it has become the norm and we love it! While a complete surprise is wonderful, being part of the process is just as amazing.

"I'm so happy to have been involved. I heard some criticism, like, "Don't you want to be surprised?" But I really didn't. Not only do I have a ring that is unique to me and that I'm confident I love, but I was also able to take part in a really big decision-making process (emotionally, financially, practically). We were able to discuss budgets together, and we both had time to wrap our heads around this significant purchase and the life-changing step we are taking!" – Erin

Once you are in the place in your relationship where you are openly discussing your future, hint that you would love to participate in choosing your own engagement ring. Nothing wrong with researching early and knowing what you want when the time comes. Hey, the "universe is listening".

"I can’t lie, I started looking at photos of engagement rings when I was 20. That means I spent a solid decade staring at rings on the internet. By the time Sam and I got engaged I knew WAY more than I probably should about rings. Sam felt it was important to propose “ringless,” because he wanted the proposal to be a surprise and he felt it was important that I played a role in what I was going to wear for the rest of my life." – Kelley

There are many variations of couples working together to find the perfect ring. Sometimes the future spouse only helps to set budget parameters and at times they are completely involved down to the smallest details. 

"He wasn't actively involved. He gave me a budget he was comfortable with but expressed that he wanted me to pick out the jewelers to visit, since he knows I have more background knowledge in that area. I'm a thorough researcher, almost obsessively so, and navigating the jewelry scene in New York City was overwhelming even for me, so I think he was grateful to have such an opinionated partner to take the reins." – Erin

Shopping for a vintage engagement ring in particular is challenging. As every ring is completely unique, every stone subtly nuanced. Working with your future spouse will make the selection process much easier for them and allow you to find your dream ring.

"We both really loved the idea of finding a vintage ring, but quickly realized it wouldn't be as simple as having something made because every ring is so unique. I decided to be open-minded about the shape, size, and style of the ring because buying vintage was the more important than finding the exact ring I'd imagined. I think my boyfriend started to get a bit confused because I'd point out rings that I liked that were nothing like what I'd originally thought I wanted. After that, it seemed like the only option was for me to be involved in the process." – Samantha

Just because the "surprise" is taken out of the ring doesn't mean the "surprise" has to be taken out of the moment.

"Mike got the ring in the summer, but didn't propose until December. It was very sweet and personal, in our apartment. I had just gotten out of the shower and still had my towel wrap on my head. Then he made me pancakes. It was very us—just like my ring." – Erin

More than half of our appointments now feature two people if not more – sometimes there are very involved mother-in-laws, sisters, and friends. We say the more the merrier! It is now completely typical for a couple to shop together for an engagement ring. This purchase is incredibly personal and full of meaning and significance. And no matter the method, the culmination of all of the research in the end is a stunning symbol of love and eternal commitment. A token you will pass down generations to come.

Photo from our friends Nous NY